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BREAKING NEWS: Bubba Wallace Announces He's Pregnant


Nascar driver Darrell “Bubba” Wallace Jr. was involved in a frightening crash last weekend at Pocono Raceway, one that he survived with nary a broken bone.  Afterwards he quipped that an ultrasound determined that he “wasn’t pregnant with twins”—an announcement that he confirmed, today, was a bit premature.
“Well, this is a tough thing to announce to the world, but last week when I said I wasn’t pregnant?  Well, I spoke too soon”, Wallace told the assembled media in the Watkins Glen media center.  “Further tests confirmed that I am, in fact, pregnant for the first time.”
Wallace, flanked by both his girlfriend and his team owner Richard Petty, appeared emotional throughout the press conference, but was practical when discussing the breakdown in communication that led to last week’s original denial.
"If I paint the baby's room green, then
I'll be ok if its a boy or a girl..."
“When they did the ultrasound, they told me I wasn’t pregnant with twins”, Wallace said.  “Well, technically they were correct—I wasn’t pregnant with twins, just with one child.  With that being said, finding out you’re about to have another human being growing inside of you is NOT the best time to be told a joke.”
The forthcoming bundle of joy may cause a change of plans for the RPM race team near the end of the season, although Bubba’s due date is deep into the off-season.
“Listen—this pregnancy deal, its nothing we haven’t dealt with before”, team owner Richard Petty said.  “If Bubba’s gotta take time off, we’ll look at that substitute driver deal then.  Besides, we might be able to pick up some sponsorship from a diaper company.”
Wallace said he has already begun eating better, researching parenting techniques, and shopping for paternity clothes.
“This is going to be a big change in lifestyle for my girlfriend and I, but we’re ready for it”, Wallace said.  “There is only 1 driver pregnant with child at the top level of our sport..I am the 1.  You’re not gonna stop hearing about ‘the pregnant driver’ for years.  Embrace it, accept it, and enjoy the journey..”

When reached for comment, Aric Almirola said he couldn’t believe that RPM would let a pregnant driver race.