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Brad Keselowski Wins With Rubina



Using strategy, horsepower, and good timing, Brad Keselowski was able to challenge Dale Earnhardt Jr. for the lead.  But it was a single person who helped him win: Rubina.
"We added Rubina in to our Framily plan earlier this week, and we're already seeing the results", Keselowski said after spraying a can of Miller Lite in his own eyes.  "I'd kiss her right now, if my eyes didn't feel like they were on fire."
Rubina (on right)
Rubina was present in Victory Lane, escorted there by Brad Keselowski's aunt.
"Wait a minute--are the bills separate?"  Rubina asked amid a shower of confetti.
Team owner Roger Penske was coy when asked what exactly Rubina does for the team.
"Look--its not important what she does, who she is, or even what her last name is", Penske said while wearing a "I Got A Hole-In-One" baseball cap.  "What's important is that we're in the Chase, and now we can spend the next 23 races screwing around."
Other drivers were more-understanding of their loss to Keselowski upon hearing of Rubina's influence.
"Wait--they had Rubina?", Dale Jr. said upon exiting his car.  "Jeez, no wonder we lost.  All we could get is Sketchy Jeff--though I still agree with him that our team needs 'More Beard'".
"You know, I race for a top-flight team, my family is wealthy beyond your wildest dreams, but there's one thing I won't have--Rubina", third-place finisher Paul Menard said on pit lane.  "Do you know if we could get her for next week's race?  I mean, I'm all ears--I don't have anywhere I have to be this evening."