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R.I.P. Commitment Cone (c.1992-2013)



The Nascar community mourns one of its all-time greats tonight, as the Commitment Cone was felled by an errant pit-road entry by the 55 car of Brian Vickers.
"We're in a state of mourning, so we'd rather not comment right now", said Nascar president Mike Helton.  "However, I can feel comfortable saying that we're all dejected and depressed by the loss of our beloved Commitment Cone.  Though he wasn't a racer, he was a part of the racing community, and we're missing him already."
Memorial candles available
for purchase at Nascar.com
Born Commitment Rhodes Cohn sometime around 1992, much of the Cone's early life remains a mystery.  He first came to prominence, however, during his early days on a construction crew in North Carolina.
"We work with literally dozens of cones, but with Commitment, you could tell there was something special about him", Crew Foreman Al Fox said in an interview about the Cone a few years ago.  "From the moment he stepped onto the highway, he just seemed to have 'It', that certain intangible that kept cars from driving into gigantic potholes."
The Cone's big break came in 2004, when he joined the Nascar circuit full-time.  Though there was initial criticism of the "Cone of Tomorrow", Commitment showed it belonged through valor and steadfast courage.
"It takes a lot of guts to race these cars, but it takes something more to just stand out there at the pit road entry", said driver and personal friend of the cone Timmy Hill.  "This is truly a tragedy for myself and the entire racing community, and we'll be in mourning in Port Tobacco (Maryland) for the following week."
Vickers was unavailable for comment, as he was being tended to in the infield care center for shock.  However, sources said that he appeared to be chanting, "My arm itched, it was hot in there".
In related news, winning-driver Brad Keselowski's jack was said to be in serious but stable condition.  Additionally, Kasey Kahne's chances at winning the Chase remained on life support.