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Jimmie Johnson Win a Bonanza for Conspiracy Theorists



A completely dominating performance at Pocono Raceway solidifies Jimmie Johnson's status as the top racer in Nascar so far this season.  But the win was even bigger for Nascar conspiracy theorists, who quickly went to work on showing why Nascar handed him this win.
Montoya's just PART
of the plan, man!  He's
in too deep!
"Oh come on, this was OBVIOUSLY rigged!", said Nascar fan and black-helicopter enthusiast Steve Franklin.  "Jimmie starts on the pole, after qualifying is CANCELLED--come on, do I need to spell it out for you?"
When informed that qualifying was rained out due to torrential downpours, Franklin remained unfazed.
"We all know that Nascar controls the weather", he continued from his home office.  "Nascar ALWAYS wants Jimmie and Cheater Chad (Knaus) to win--you've seen the ratings!"
Franklin was not alone in his suspicions.
"Nascar does everything it can to keep Dale (Earnhardt) Jr. out of victory lane", typed longtime Nascar fan Clay Brenden on a popular message board.  "Brian (France) just wants to keep his buddy Jimmie Johnson winning again so Nascar can sell all those Kobalt Tools diecast cars.  I'm through with Nascar--I'm never watching another race again!"
When informed that previous posts had shown that he had watched every race since 1992, and had made that threat after every race since 1998, Brenden replied, "SHUT UP!"
Most of those actually involved in the sport chalk up Johnson's dominance to a strong engine program, quick pit crew, and overall talent level on the 48 team.  But not all agreed.
"Come on, everybody knows that Nascar just wants to see Hendrick cars in Victory Lane every week." said driver Timmy Hill.  "If the 48 car was black flagged for failing inspection--LIKE THEY SHOULD BE--my car would be running top-30--EASY!"
When it was pointed out that Nascar had just black-flagged Johnson last week for jumping a restart, Hill replied, "SHUT UP!"