The eyes of an assassin
Shortly after intentionally wrecking Clint Bowyer, Jeff Gordon pulled his car into the garage, got out, and was jumped by Clint's crew. Or so we thought. Later video evidence showed Jeff being pinned against a "war wagon" by two crew members and what looked like a PR flak. Why didn't they let Jeff go into full-on attack mode? Well, here he is to explain his actions (or lack thereof):
You don't even know man--you don't even KNOW! I might look scrawny and Logano-like, but I'm one HECK of a fighter. You've heard of cage-fighters? Well I'm not, because NO cage can hold me! I've spent years in the offseason learning super-secret ninja skills at the DuPont Experimental Station--I know 25 ways to kill a man with a paint-brush. When I go to the Hendrick Motorsports Gym, I'm only known as Jeff "The Gorilla" Gordon. Guys'll be like, "Hey Jeff 'The Gorilla' Gordon, what move you workin' on today?' And I'll be like, 'Hey man, if I told you, I'd have to kill you, bring you back from the dead, then kill you again.' My crew knows the real me--they know that anytime there's a problem, they call up ol' Jeff, and BOOM--problem solved! Problem is, I solve the problem TOO GOOD, and then there's just a bigger problem, it's like a problem on top of a problem, and that just makes me madder, man!
What I'm trying to say is, its a good thing my crew was there to stop me, because there's nothing scarier than a 5'3'', 130lb. guy with "AARP" on his firesuit running at you.
For the record, Jeff has been fined $100,000 and docked 25 championship points (aka "We really hope we can keep him out of the championship banquet"). On the plus side, Jeff won't have to listen to Howie Mandel make lame jokes about Tony Stewart.