Celebrating in Victory Lane with driver Clint Bowyer, team owner/media personality Michael Waltrip admitted his good fortune, saying that he is living proof that good things happen to bad people.
"You know, after I sucker-punched Lake Speed on pit road, you figure I'd be marked for life as a jerk", Waltrip said amid a shower of 5-Hour-Energy, "but as the past few years have shown, I've been able to become a successful team owner AND an irritating tv commentator!
"I mean, really, after the first DWI I narrowly avoided (in 2007), I thought, 'OK, you're screwed', and after the SECOND near-DWI (in 2009), you'd think they wouldn't let me NEAR an automobile. But not only do I get to run a successful race team, but people get to think that I'm a real success story for building my team up from 'nothing'!"
Race winner Bowyer was similar in his praise of bad-person Waltrip.
"I myself said that Mikey was the worst driver in Nascar", Bowyer said, "and we all remember when he cheated to beat out a 70-something-year-old to make the Daytona 500. But heck, I guess some guys are just lucky. I mean, REALLY lucky."
Waltrip, well-known for berating an ESPN reporter for mentioning his winless-streak, has pledged to enjoy this win "…as long as my Karma gets delayed.
"Whether its annoying fans with my constant sponsor plugs on TV, or using business deals with Cal Wells and Doug Bawel to keep my team afloat--oh, and Bill David too--I guess I'm just lucky!"
Upon hearing these comments, Robby Gordon reportedly punched his fist through a wall.