Pages

Matt Kenseth Wins Coveted Twelfth-Place Finish



The stars were shining bright deep in the heart of Texas tonight, as Matt Kenseth fought an ill-handling car to finish in 12th place, signaling that the Dollar General/Husky Tools driver is ready to compete.
"You know, there's really no feeling like this, coming in twelfth place at a track like this", an ebullient Kenseth exclaimed in 12th-Place Circle.  "You can do a lot in this sport--commercials, interviews, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue spreads--but until you go out here and PROVE that you can finish 12th, you're nothing."
Kenseth, when reminded that he had won earlier this season (at Las Vegas), explained why his twelfth-place finish was even more important.
"C'mon, you saw all the coverage last week for the twelfth-place driver--that's what announces to the world, 'I have arrived!' in Nascar", Kenseth told a phalanx of reporters, including a very-confused looking Brant James.  "Championships and wins are nice, but its showing that you have the POSSIBILITY to get championships and wins in the future that is even MORE important.  Well, that and looking good."
Kenseth said that he hopes the twelfth-place win distracts from his recent racy Husky Tools ads.
"Hey, sex sells", Kenseth said while firing off twin water guns in the traditional 12th-Place Circle celebration.  "And if I have to lick a socket wrench while wearing a leather bikini on the Husky Tools calendar, so be it.  Oh, by the way, I'm October this year."